C902

Heeh. Just to try to forget Alia. My ma bought me a new handphone. Cybershot. 902. 5 megapixels. Sony Ericsson. Red. Wow. So pretty. I'm tryna get used to the camera. Somehow my shots look blurry. Like a loser. Loser photographer wannabe. Anyway. The salesman at the M1 shop was tryna cheat me and my ma.

At first, he told my ma that there were no red ones anymore. I wasn't listening. I was too happy about getting a new phone. Red color. First time. I hate my old phone. So fat. Like me.

Anyway. My ma said: "Eh, there are only black ones."

I said: "Okay. there are only black ones."

Silence.

Salesman looked at me. My ma looked at me.

Then. I got shocked.

So, I screamed: "What?????! You've only got black ones! No no no!!!!!!!! I don't like blacks! No way!"

I've always hated black phones. Terrible. Stupid black. Dull. I hate black shirts or cats. Basically. I hate anything black. Except for Obama. And Alia.

(Recap: Alia is Sharizan's D60.)

Silence.

My ma looked at me. Salesman looked at me. Salesman's colleague looked at me. Auntie beside us looked at me. Uncle beside us looked at me. Bangla cleaning outside shop looked at me.

Basically, everyone in the shop and shop area was looking at me.

Then, the salesman laughed. My ma laughed. Salesman colleague laughed. I was embarrassed. Very very Embarassed.

Salesman said: "Okay okay. I check for you, mam."

Not even a minute. He found the red cybershot C902 phone.

Basket.

Want to cheat me. Luckily I got shocked.

Anyway. Bloodyhell. My class want to eat sushi for our class outing. Basket. We are civilised people. Civilised people eat cooked food. Not raw fish. Like caveman like that. Besides, it's already very hard to pronounce sushi, right, Sharizan?

Stupid sushi. Anyway, let's just go to Ramen Ten. Easier to pronounce.

Superman

Ma saw the wound on my leg.

She said: "EEEEEeeeeee. So ugly. Eeeeeeeeee. Look like the product bar code in NTUC."

I got pissed.

Younger brother said: "Wow. Look like tatoo wound."

I felt happy. Cool man.

Big bro said: "Hahahahaha! Stupid bimbo fall down!"

I got very pissed. Very very pissed.

Then, I went to see Ain to give her Alia. I felt very sad to part with Alia. She was my baby.

And, guess what? On the train I saw Superman. I felt happy.

Recap: Superman. This guy who looks like superman. Very handsome. Got Arab face. Bf and I always bump into him with his gf on the train on my way to school. I always bump into him without his gf on my way home without bf. He is not bf's friend. There was once when his football team had a match with bf's football team. Basically Superman always bump into me, I always bump into Superman.

But today, I saw Superman with his friend, no gf. Heeh. He was whispering to his friend. His friend was whispering to him. But. I could hear them clearly. Stupid Superman and friend didn't know how to whisper.

Superman whispered: "Oh she is the Adelphi's girl."

Superman friend whispered: "What elfi?"

Wow, Superman actually notices me. I looked at them.

Superman whispered: "Stupid, uh. Can you talk soft soft? See she hear already. Adelphi, lah. Soccer team."

Superman friend whispered: "Oh. Is it very good?"

Superman friend kept staring at me. The nerdy girl beside me kept staring at my hair. I felt pissed. I stared at nerdy girl back. Nerdy girl got scared and looked away.

Superman whispered: "Yah. Very good seh."

I smiled. I felt proud of bf's soccer team.

Superman friend whispered, "Is she Chinese or Malay or what?"

Superman whispered: "Tah, how would I know?"

Superman friend whispered: "Lawa lah siol...."

Superman whispered: "Hah? really, uh?"

I felt pissed. So Superman doesn't think I'm pretty.

Superman friend whispered: "So, did your soccer team won?"

Superman whispered: "Nah. It was a draw. Adelphi was good, man."

Superman friend whispered: "Then you got play?"

Superman whispered: "Yah lah. Of course! I played a lot."

I felt pissed. Superman didn't play at all! He was just a reserve. I looked at them.

Superman whispered: "Bodoh. Can you talk soft soft or not. See, she can hear already."

I felt pissed. So I just listened to my earpiece on the way to see Ain.

I felt very sad to part with Alia. I cried on the way home.

Fall.

Today, I went photoshooting in Clementi with Alia and Sharizan.

I was taking a very nice picture of Sharizan.

And, I fell into a hole.

I didn't feel any pain at first.

But when I saw the blood. A lot of blood.

Everything changed.

I started to see white.

Everything was white.

The trees were white, the clouds were white, the ground was white, the sky was white.

And in my ears, I heard this sound continously. It was something like this, "EEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE."

Then, I thought I saw an angel.

There was light around the angel.

Until the angel started to speak, "Oh, you cannot shee blood, uh? So it meensh you can't wash gory moviesh, uh?"

I was pissed. It was only Sharizan.

So, he helped me to a nearby block and sat on this chair.

The ground was white.

The chair was white.

So it looked like I was floating.

Then, everything turned dark.

Sharizan became black first. The chair became black. The ground became black. Alia became black.

I closed my eyes. I muttered something about my late grandma about her being Agelina Jolie to Sharizan. The sound in my ears was ringing even worse.

When I opened my eyes, everything was okay again. We went to a nearby coffee shop and bought 2 mineral water bottles. Sharizan, being a ex scout person, helped me to wash the wound. And I was back to normal.

There were so many pine trees in Clementi. I thought it was very cool. I'd never seen pine trees not from text books before. And I said: "Wow."

I started to dance among the pine trees.

Then, we saw an ice cream cafe. I said: Wow!". We went in. Ice cream was a bit expensive.

Sharizan ate a "Junior ice cream cone". The scoop didn't look junior at all. It was as big as mine. Alia didn't have any ice cream. She just looked at us. Sharizan said something about Han Fei which was very funny. I said something about Han Fei which was very funny too. Sharizan talked a lot. I talked a lot. Alia never talk. I felt very happy from the ice cream.

Anyway. We continued taking pictures.

After all that, I went to see my ma for some dinner in Changi Airport.

Then, I went home with Alia.

Time

Time. I have no idea what is your definition for time.

But. Here's my definition.

Time is something that determines your life (I hate time!).

Okay.

Crapping.

But I think that sounds very intelligent.

Mr Gill would have said: "Intelligent comment, Atikah (He would pronounce my name as Uh-teeeeee-kah)." (I love Mr Gill, because he always thinks I'm smart).

I don't really like time though.

Because of time, I'm always late.

Because of time, I can't study enough for exams.

Because of time, I have library fines that I still haven't paid.

Because of time, my boyfriend got pissed waiting for me. (Vice versa).

Because of time, I've got curfew.

Because of time, I never have candlelight dinner with bf.

Because of time, I'm gonna grow old.

Because of time, I skip breakfast for school.

Because of time, I grew fatter.

On the other hand, I kinda like time.

Because of time, I'm smarter.

Because of time, I have the opportunity to go university.

Because of time, I learned to love people more.

Because of time, I can get married.

Because of time, I have the opportunity to be a journalist when I grow up.

Because of time, I can decide what I wanna be in the future.

Because of time, tomorrow is my last paper for my second semestral exams.

Time. I have no idea what is your definition for time.

But. Here is my definition for time.

Time is something that determines my future (I love time!).

And Mr Gill would have said: "Intelligent comment, Uh-teeee-kah!"

Atok's Bday.

Yesterday we celebrated grandpa's belated birthday at Aunt Ros's house. I made for him a card which said "Happy 84th Birthday!"

He is only 82 years old. Oh shit.

Anyway. There were my two aunties, two uncles, my ma, me, younger bro, big bro, and three cousins.

All of us sang my grandpa the birthday song.

I saw this old photo of grandpa and late grandma. They were in about early twenties.Didn't know grandma was pretty.

My grandpa was a photographer for magazines in the 70's and 80's. Cool right? I know. He took pictures of models and actresses.

He kept looking at Alia. (I've named Sharizan's D60 Alia).

He asked: "Whose camera is that?"

I said: "Owh, my friend's. But it was supposed to be mine."

Grandpa said: "oh."

Aunt Ros made him a birthday cake which looked like something from secret recipe.

Awesome man.

Helped Aunt Ros to fry some chicken, and noodles.

Anyway, ate a lot. Ma ate more. She said that I ate more. Pissed, I remembered taking lotsa pics before I realised the food was finishing. And she was eating even before I started taking pictures.

My ma kept on saying "chaotic". She has just learnt the word this week.

A bit annoying.

Aunt Ros told her to stop saying chaotic.

I told her to stop saying chaotic.

Ma then said in this annoying strange British accent: "Kettle call pot black!"

For many many times!

I corrected her:"Ma!!!!!!!!!!! It's the pot calling the kettle black."

Ma said: "Owh kay. Pot call kettle black!"

She turned to Aunt Ros and said in this strange British accent again: "Hey! You don't pot call kettle black me!"

Anyway, apart from my ma's annoying antics, I enjoyed the whole thing.

Drew henna on Aunt Ros's hand.

And we all went home.

V-day II- Full Story

Okay. Here is the full story. Before we went to Sentosa, we were at Vivo for lunch.

Bf and I.

Yah. So took a few shots at Vivo. With D60.

At the same time, took artistic photo of bf's tooth.

Very nice. Shiny. Then, met Sheila and Man.

Sheila laughed at me when she saw me.

I laughed at her when I saw her.

So, we went window shopping.

Man and bf was pissed. But then, there were so many nice shops in Vivo and so many discounts. But. No money.

So we looked around. My fave and fantasy shop was the River Island.

All the clothes that I always dream of are always there. Beautiful. Beautiful. If I were to get married to a rich guy, I would shop there all day long. I saw this skirt that I saw in my dream. It was hot pink. The perfect hot pink! Oh my god! It was beautiful. You see, River Island has all the stuff that exist in my dreams. Unfortunately, those kind of clothes are not sold anywhere else (at a cheaper price). I can never afford River Island stuff. Owh well. I felt sad. I wanted the skirt. It was 80 bucks you see.

Initially, it was supposed to be a double date, but the other three people wanna come along too. Abang Mamat rented a car.

So we went to Sentosa.

I showed Man the artistic picture I took of bf's tooth. Man laughed. Sheila laughed. Bf wasn't laughing. He was angry.

I said: "Sorry sorry!"
Then, we decided to skyride in sentosa. Man was kinda afraid to go on the skyride. So he was like, "If I were to fall, I will always be your bestie" to bf. The scenery was pretty, but not that pretty such that I'd go "wow!"

Bf was happy.

Man was happy.

Sheila was happy.
But then bf remembered the artistic tooth photo and he was sad.
We saw people go-karting from below.
Man said: "I wonder what would happen if my slippers were to fall and hit their heads."

Then, we went to this place in Sentosa. There, we saw flowers.
Man saw flowers and he said: "Wow! Flowers! I love flowers!"

Then, we saw people taking pictures with some statues. Man was interested. So he went there.

He took pictures with the statues too.

After that, all of seven us squeezed in Abang Mamat's car and made our way to Marina Barrage.

Sheila sat on Man's lap.

I sat on bf's lap.

Bf said to me: "You're very heavy."

Man laughed.

I said to bf:"You teeth is senget."

Man laughed.

Sheila laughed.

I laughed.

Bf was groaning in pain all the way because I was heavy.

Along the way, we saw sunset.

I'd never seen a sunset before, and I said: "Wow!"

Reached Marina Barrage. Took some pictures.

After all that, We went home.
All seven of us squeezed in the car.
Sheila sat on Man's lap.
I sat on bf's lap.
Bf groaned in pain.
Bf kissed me in the lift.
I said:"Sorry, I'm fat."
Bf said:" You're not fat. You're cute. And very pretty too."
He pinched my cheeks.
I felt happy.

PCC.

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V-day II

Went to Sentosa. With bf, Man, Nana, Sheila, Abang Mamat, Iwan. Supposed to be a double date with Shiela and Man. But then, the other three people wanna come along too.

Okay. So, we went skyride.

Went with Sharizan's D60.

Took lotsa pictures. Feels kinda weird Sharizan wasn't there to guide me. I felt naked.

Initially wanted to ask Sharizan come along to guide me as I take pictures, but it would be strange. Very strange. Hmmmph.

Well, not many shots were nice though.

Man was being stupid all along.

Bf was being moody 'coz I was with D60 more than him.

I totally left him.

Sheila was laughing at everything. So did I.

Abang Mamat drove car.

Seven of us squeezed in it.

Sheila sat on Man's lap.

I sat on bf's lap.

Bf said: "You're freaking heavy."

Man laughed at me.

I said: "Your teeth is senget."

Man laughed at bf. Sheila laughed at bf.

We made our way to Marina Barrage.

Bf was like groaning in pain during the trip.

Took pictures again at Marina Barrage.

Went home.

Bf kissed me on the lift.

I said :"Sorry, I'm fat."

Adelphi

Okay. Bf's football team.

Interesting bunch of people.

=D

Oooops. Abdul not there, uh.

Anyway, here are the twins.

The V-day

Okay. Valentine's Day.

It's coming. Haven't buy bf anything.

And today is our 20th month anniversary.

Yah. I feel like we've been married for centuries. My bf always helps me do the counting for our anniversaries. Im bad at Math, remember?

But.

After I read Amira's blog, I was inspired to buy him something.

So, with only $4 in my wallet, I bought bf a heart-shaped flower with pink ribbons.

Very cute. I like.

It has got "I miss u" words on it.

I was tryna find the "I love u" words one.

But sold out, I guess.

Actually wanted to buy for him heart-shaped lolli.

But I can't find the candy shop.

Last time I went there, I was 2 years younger (and thinner too).

Heart-shaped lolli was only $2.

Too bad, uh. I have to add 90cents more for the heart-shaped flower. Soooo expensive.

Besides that. I drew him flowers on a piece of drawing block.

With my secondary one's drawing skills and some colored pencils, I managed to draw quite a lovely piece. Heeh.

So proud of myself.

I you wanna know what I wrote on the drawing, just ask my bf.

He'll know 'coz I'm giving him tomorrow.

Lastly, I rolled the drawing block into something that looks like what university graduates always hold in their hands whenever they take pictures. And. I tied the heart-shaped flower onto the drawing block with a piece of purple ribbon I found somewhere in my cupboard.

Okay. Happy V-day everyone.

The Truth

Yes. Okay. Today, I admit. I admit that I've gained weight.

A lot.

I dunnoe what's my weight though. Because, I don't have a weighing scale at home. I'm scared to buy one. I remember the last time I weighed myself, I was 49kg. So proud of that.

All my life, I've been struggling with my weight. My late grandma used to feed me rice for breakfast, rice for lunch, rice for teatime, rice for dinner and rice for supper when I was four. So, I became fat. Very very fat. To make sure nobody calls me fat, I bullied everyone in kindergarten. So, I was a big fat bully.

I was fat, until I accidentally swallowed 3 fish bones at once when I was seven. It was so painful that I couldn't eat anything but bread. So, I ate 2 slices of bread for breakfast, lunch, teatime, dinner and supper for many many months. And. I lost lotsa weight. Lotsa lotsa weight. I became so thin I could see the shape of my ribs. I was so proud of myself. At the age of nine, I enjoyed taking pictures because I was very thin. And, I look pretty in pictures.

Then, I started to gain weight again. At eleven, I was on a diet. I ate only once a day (dinner). I survived the days by eating sugar free sweets. I lost weight tremendously, from 49kg to 45kg with the height of 157cm. Awesome. I continued to be thin throughout my secondary school days thanks to the military band (my CCA).

However, I was never thin enough. My friends were always thinner than me. And my friends were always calling me fat. My ex boyfriend called me fat. He broke up with me 'coz he hated my tummy flabs. Mind you, I was only 47kg with my height of 162cm at that time. Sheesh.

And, I was considered fat.

But, still, I look good enough to take pictures.

So now, I've gained weight again. And, I don't really enjoy taking pictures that much anymore. 'Coz I look miserably fat.

It's time to be thin.

Dressed to kill.

Yesterday's yesterday. I went for the screening. It was when all of the DMC people's works were screened. So, Mr Andrew Mok told us to dress nicely and that it was gonna be a "gala event".

So, I went to buy this lovely maroon dress with a ribbon around the waist so I look thin. Hah. Like a Hollywood superstar.

So, I came to school with my lovely dress at 8 in the morning. Han Fei and Sharizan were waiting for me at the taxi stand.

Sharizan laughed at me.

Han Fei laughed at me.

Han Fei took off his cap. I laughed at him. His hair = ball.

Sharizan: "HAHAHAHAHA! Overdress like hell sia!"

Yes, the person who can never pronounce 's' properly with his hair that looks like something from Jurong Bird Park's, was laughing at me.

Basket.

At first, I wanted to laugh at his pronounciation for "overdress" which sounded like "overdresh". But, I couldn't. My cheeks were burning. I was embarassed. I was overdressed.

But then, my Ma always tells me: " It's okay to overdress. Just look confident and pretend you didnt overdress. And you'll fit in."

And. I did just that.

Surprisingly, not many people were laughing at me.

Han Fei was tryna be nice by saying that my dress was pretty.

Jordon didnt laugh at me. He just said that my sandals didnt fit with my dress because of the color. Aw, c'mon, what does that pork knows about fashion. Nobody wears sandals of the same color of her dress nowadays. I don't bother explaining to pork. Because he simply wouldn't listen.

At the multi-lecture hall, everybody was just wearing shorts and t-shirt. AAAAAAAAARGH! Overdressed!

Anyway. enjoyed myself. Owh, and I did a very bad mistake. Sharizan was like, "Stupid!"

I felt sad. All my fault.

Anyway, I'm still very proud of my group's Cashierman. It's so awesome. What with the audio. Haiz. So proud of myself. I've never been good at computers. Til DVPA.

Anyway, my classmates and I took lotsa pictures after that. But not that many. Many, to me, means the whole day.

And, my bf was waiting for me for more than two hours at the taxi stand.

Havent meet him for so long! Always DVPA this, DVPA that.

And when I finally met him, there was a call which ruined everything! So bad, even I felt my dress wasnt pretty anymore. My bf was very very angry with me.

Sheesh. I feel so tired typing so much!

If you wanna know more about the call which ruined everything, just ask Sharizan. I told him yesterday.

Listen.

I feel sad. No one listens to me.

I have a father. He never listens to me.(Instead, he complains about me to my Ma.)

I have a mother. She never listens to me. ( She's supposed to be my bestfriend!)

I have a lil' brother. He never listens to me. (But if he does, he'll tell everyone my secrets.)

I have a bf. He never listens to me. (It'll be Armageddon if he does.)

I have a big brother. He never listens to me. (He'll only make me listen to him brag.)

I have a grandpa. He never listens to me. (Because if he does, I'm afraid he'll die of high blood pressure.)

I used to have many many teachers. But they never listen to me.

I have many many friends. They never listen to me. (Because I never tell them anything.)

I have a grandma. She listens to me. (But now she's dead.)

I feel sad. No one listens to me.

Cashierman

I guess, the best part of making a film is when you've done doing it, and you see all the hardwork you've put in in making the film. I wanna do this again. And here is the link for trailer, "Cashierman", the film that my group has done for DVPA.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaBbA6X1E7M

(But, I still wanna be a journalist when I grow up.)

My Fault.

I realised I've been doing a lot of bad things. And. I've hurt a lot of people. To those that I've hurt and have not yet hurt. I refer this post to all of you. This is what I've done behind your back since I was eight.

I'm sorry 'coz I made you cry.

I'm sorry 'coz I've never listened to you.

I'm sorry 'coz I failed my maths when I was in primary four.

I'm sorry 'coz I never want to be near you 'coz you're fat and smelly.

I'm sorry 'coz I lied to you many times.

I'm sorry 'coz I renamed you Black Bin Taff Club.

I'm sorry 'coz I hated you because you were prettier than me.

I'm sorry 'coz I stole your phone because he wanted me to.

I'm sorry 'coz I ran away when your bf got you pregnant.

I'm sorry 'coz I can't answer your questions.

I'm sorry 'coz I thought you were very boring.

I'm sorry 'coz I made fun of you.

I'm sorry 'coz I blame you all the time.

I'm sorry 'coz I've cheated on you three times.

I'm sorry 'coz you want my bf. (But he's mine, bitch.)

I'm sorry 'coz I tell people your secrets.

I'm sorry 'coz I called you short like Santa Clause's elf.

I'm sorry if this post doesn't sound as emo as you want it to be.