Mike

So Micheal Jackson died on Friday.

Strange, but I don't feel sad at all.
To me, Micheal Jackson is dead for a long time ago.
And I've cried for him long long ago already.
The Micheal Jackson today is not the Micheal Jackson that I used to grow up to.

I swear, even before I was born, I was dancing to his songs in my ma's womb.
When I was born, my family showered me with MJ's music, dance moves, music videos...

Basically, he is the first celebrity that I ever know of. I was his big fan when I was just four.
I thought he was the coolest person I've ever seen. I even dreamt of meeting him personally.
But as years passed, he's becoming more and more ugly. I cried when I saw his hideous looking face and when I heard about his scandals. Where was that MJ that I used to love? I get upset and very disappointed with him. How I wish I was born in the 1980's like my big bro when I can see more of the cooler MJ.


So no point mourning over him now. Because to me, he's dead a very long time ago.
And I've already mourned for him a long long time ago.
Have a good rest MJ.

Voice (I'm hoping)

I'm now like, so addicted to this Indonesian song. Which is called "Suara (Ku Berharap)".
Which means "Voice (I'm hoping)".
So, here are the lyrics for the chorus.

"Suara dengarkanlah aku.
Apa khabarnya pujaan hatiku.
Aku di sini menunggunya masih berharap,
di dalam hatinya."

Which means...

"Voice, please listen to me.
Is my lover doing fine?
I'm here still waiting for her,
in her heart."

Which is stupid. It doesn't make any sense at all. How can a voice hear you?
You need a listening ear not a listening voice.
Anyway, who cares? I love songs that don't make sense as long as they're freaking nice to hear.
Awwww. I love this song.

Kill Roaches

I hate roaches. They're black and dumb and disgusting.
In fact, too disgusting for me to even kill it.
That roach caused my pa to hate me and caused me to hate my ma.


Okay. Let me tell you what happened.


There was this roach strolling around with it's tiny, scrawny legs in the kitchen sometime after dinner. (How dare you roach!)
I was washing the dishes. As a natural reaction, I screamed as loud as I could as soon as I saw the hideous roach.
My ma came to my rescue to kill and throw the roach away with a sweep and a dustpan and insecticide.
But instead of doing that usual roach-killing procedure, my ma actually pushed the almost dead roach towards me.



I ran and my fat, right knee actually got scraped against this metal pipe, causing my knee to bleed.
I hate it whenever my knee bleeds. Because I can't see blood.
So I screamed loudly again.
Nowadays, when I'm angry or upset, I tend to scream a lot.
Yah. I know, I sound like a brat, except that I'm too old to be called a brat.
And my hands are all covered with soap from washing the dishes.

My ma said: "Yah good. Be a drama queen. Just a little blood and you scream."



Then I heard this sickening hissing sound.

PSSSSSSSSssssIIIIIIsssssttttttt!!!!!!!!!



I looked up from nursing my poor, fat knee.
And to my horror, I saw the metal pipe spraying water all over. And the kitchen got flooded.

My ma said: "Quick!!!!!! Call your pa!!!!!!!!! Tell him to come home now!!!!!!!"

So my pa got home.

My pa said: "How come it's (the pipe) leaking like this?"

My ma said: "I don't know what Ika (my ma calls me that at home) did. Suddenly become like that."

I screamed: "Nooo!!! It was your fault ma! You make me run and hit the metal pipe. And my knee still hurts!!!!!! AAAAOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!"

My pa looked at me angrily. I groaned louder to get some pity from him because my knee is bleeding.


My pa ignored me and straightaway rushed to fix the pipe.
It's two hours now and my pa is still fixing the stupid pipe and he hasn't even had his dinner. He is like muttering under his breath some words that I think will not be appropriate for me to put up in this blog. I bet he hates me.
Bloody ma for blaming me.
It's actually her fault, not mine.


My ma says: "Want to call Wan's (bf) father to fix the pipe?"

My pa ignores her.


I pity him. My ma and I are still blaming each other, refusing to say sorry.
Actually, in fact, it was all the roach's fault. Not my ma or me.
The roach caused my family to be chaotic.
Oh I hate roaches.
Kill them for me if you see them.

Mistaken

I think, I have the most common face on Earth.
I've always been mistaken for someone else ever since young.
It's like, random people will come up to me and say something like: "Eh, you're very proud, sia. Look at me and never even say "Hi"."
And I will be like: "Wha-? Huh?"
Then, the random people will be like: "You're Syarifah, right?"
Or,
"How come you never come for yesterday's lesson?"
Or,
" Eh, Saturday we have to go Marina Bay, right?"
Or (classic one...),
"Eh! Long time never see sia!!!!!!!", and then shake my hand.

The worse one that I've received so far was during primary school. The discipline master thought that I was some other naughty girl and I almost got punished for things that I never even do.

It can be frustrating sometimes.

But it can be funny too if I just play along with them.

Anyway, I still like my common face. I can, like, pretend to be someone else.
Cool right?

Oh hi. How are you? Yah, I'm Syarifah...

Putri Sayang Putre

This is our story.

Our 2-year Anniversary

At 12:01a.m., bf texted me something sweet which he thought of all by himself.

Text message:
Happy 2 years anniversary my dear..ive never been so in love with a girl like this before..until 2 years ago when i met u..my heart my soul my evriting feels so right with u..u have been my standing leg wen i need sumone 2 support me..u have been my one arm 2 hold on to sumting so precious..and u have been my soul 2 make me love u so deeply..my hands held urs tightly..never and not even gonna let go..i love u so much..and will always love u more as days past..


Urs truly,


Wan Syazani
Ur Love..




For the benefit of those who don't understand that message, basically, bf is just saying that he loves me very much.

After reading that text message, all my pre-2-year anniversary blues disappear instantly. I start to feel bad for accusing bf of cheating on me and all. He doesn't cheat on me. He only loves me.

And if you look closely to the picture above, bf actually looks as though he is proud of what he owns with his chest forward. And that is me. And the way he places his arm in this picture above my shoulders shows that he will always protect me.

I don't know about you but if there is no armegeddon in the year 2012, my plans will be to study in a University, get a good job and get married to bf who will be rich by then and live in a condo, with a penthouse. Bf would drive an Audi. And then...
Okay, I shall not bore you.

I can't imagine life without bf. It will be so empty. Like, you know, when you eat epok-epok ( curry puff) and there is no filling... Yah. That sucks.

Basically, all I want to say is that I love bf.

=D

School Holiday.

Went back to school even though it is school holidays.
I was supposed to study with Wei Rong and Sharizan.
But.
We ended up doing things that we were not supposed to do.

It was freaking hot. Most of the time I was fanning my wet armpits with my pink fan. I didn't really take many pictures.

Oh finally, Sharizan learns the art of camwhoring.

Yah. And it's been a long long time since I've camwhored. I miss camwhoring.

Anyway, my ma told me to take many many many pictures of myself, so that when I'm old, I can refer to those photos taken when I'm younger.



*Oh, Sharizan, issit okay if I return you the "prouduction file" when we graduate? Because I have no money to buy a file. Thanx. =D

Pre-anniversary Blues.

This is ridiculous, but I think I'm having this pre-2 year-anniversary blues.
Yah. I made up that new phrase. Smart, right? Hehe.
Anyway...
In 3 days time, bf and I will be, um, two years together.
I'm very afraid that bf would leave me.
Afterall, who in the right mind would like to stay on with me? Oh well, except for my parents. Sheesh. I pity them for having me as their daughter.
I'm born to be annoying.
All of my ex-bfs can only last with me for, say... one month?
Hahah. Yah. I'm that bad. I don't know how to keep my boyfriend.
But yah. Whatever happens, I am very proud to say that I managed to keep bf for two years. Awesome. I'm gonna record that.
I can still remember Sharizan actually asked me: "How can you guys last for so long????????????"
And I can see the look of admiration in his eyes. Yah, I guess he admires bf a lot for having the patience to put up with me.





Well. As I was looking at my lecture notes for my mid-semester test which is like in... Hmmmph. Um..... 3 WEEKS TIME!, I was actually thinking about the many reasons why bf should leave me.
Reason 1:
I talk non-stop about nonsense. Bf has to even tell me to shut up and I'll still talk.
Reason 2:
I am full of jealousy for his ex-gf who is now his very hot "bestfriend".
Oh gosh. I hate her. And I hate it even more that I can't even find a reason to hate her. And I know that bf is regretting being my bf. He should be with her, not me.
Reason 3:
I am fat and ugly. Hahah. Yah.
One look, and all the guys would run away. I pity bf because he is so embarrassed of me all the time.




I have to tell you, I enjoy being bf's gf. He's friendly, cool, smart... and has many qualities that make him unique and adorable.
I am happy that bf is able to accept me for who I am.
But I don't know how long that acceptance will last.






To accompany this pre-2 year anniversary blues, I was kicked out of my favourite group for this advertising project.
My favourite group includes Amira, Sharizan, Han Fei, Wei Rong... Bullshit sia I got kicked out. Bullshit fate I have.
Bullshit bullshit bullshit.
Nowadays, I have this lump in my throat that causes me to have tears all the time and all I want is to work with my favourite people.
And I got kicked out.
I hate being Atikah. Can I be Sofia or Diana or someone else?
I just hate living my life right now.
I want to live somebody else's life.

Guilty.

She looks at her watch.

Late. She is always late.
She passes by a coffee shop.
In the rush, she bumps into an elderly woman who is wiping a table with a few cups in her left hand, causing the cups to fall to the ground, making a sickening noise.
She gasps: "SOORRRRYYYY!"
She tries to pick up the cups for the old woman but the old woman, though very fragile-looking, is quick enough to pick up the cups with her shaky hands.
She looks around.
Almost everybody in the coffee shop is shaking his/her head at her, as though to say that she is a terrible, naughty girl.
She hates herself for being so careless and heartless.
How can she bump into a helpless old woman?
That girl is me.
Yes.
You know, I just hate the fact that I am all grown up and I have to take responsibilities for every single action.
People can no longer say "Oh, it's okay. She's just a little girl." whenever I do naughty things.
Whatever I do or say counts.
Why do I have to grow up and feel guilty for all the naughty things I made?
I'm born to do naughty things.
I can't do un-naughty things.

Mirror

She looks into the huge mirror.
She sees an ugly girl looking back at her.
She hates that ugly girl.
But somehow that ugly girl keeps coming back whenever she looks into the mirror.
And each time she sees that ugly girl, she will cry.
She asks that ugly girl in between sobs: "What do you want from me?"
That ugly girl in the mirror says: "I want to make you sad."
She asks: "But why?"
That ugly girl says: "Because that is the very purpose of my existence."
She says angrily: "Wha- ? I don't know why you're doing this but I'm not affected. I'm not sad."
And with that, that ugly girl disappears.
She sees another girl now appearing in front of her in the mirror.
She smiles at the another girl.
The another girl smiles at her too.
She tries to touch the another girl in the mirror and places her right hand on the flat surface of the mirror.
The another girl in the mirror reaches out to touch her right hand.
The another girl in the mirror looks very warm and friendly.
But all she feels is the coldness of the flat surface on the mirror.

Where is it?

Bf's and my 2 years anniversary is coming up.

And I wish to do something creative for my dear bf.
But.
I still don't have any idea what to do.
You know, sometimes when you think too much of what you wanna do, you just don't know what you wanna do.
But.
If you just sit around and do nothing, the inspiration just comes to you.
And suddenly, the creative side of you appears.
But when you want the creative side of you to appear, the further the creative side of you will hide.

Wait. Issit me, or am I really starting to look like my bf?????
We have the same smile. Same beanie. Same wavy hair. Sheesh. Studies have shown, back in early 2000, when I read this article, it says that old couples tend to look a lot like each other.



Anyway, there is this photography competition in school that I really wanna take part in.
I will have to take nice pictures of my school.
If you win, you'll get $300 cash! I forgot what the 2nd and 3rd prizes are.
All I want is $300.
But.
I'm afraid that if the judges of the competition or something were to see my pictures, they would laugh.
You see. All my life, I am exposed to people laughing at me.
It's just me. I'm born to be laughed at just like how Sharizan is born to be laughed at.
But it's good to know that people around you are happy.
So, here are 3 pictures that I think are the best so far as compared to all the crappy shots that I have taken by camera phone.




Sharizan told me that my pictures cannot make it if I just use my camera phone to take my pictures. Because the quality will be very different as compared to his Nikon D60 aka Alia.
But to me, if you use photoshop to edit your camera-phone-taken-pictures, it will be just as good.
Sometimes, you should give chances to those that you think are weak.
You can't just judge things based on perception.
You should give chances because you may never know the hidden potential.
Anyway, black and white are always the best contrasts.


So, where is my creative side?

Fish.

When I was in school just now, I can't help but daydream.
I wonder, how it feels like to be a fish.
I mean.


If you're a fish, you're born to be eaten by human beings and many other animals.
Which is sad. You're given the opportunity to live but you'll die very soon.
I wonder how it feels like to have my throat stuck with a fishing hook.
I think it's very painful.
I wonder how it feels like to know that many of your kind are being eaten and cooked as main dishes for most human beings everyday.
Sheesh. Scary.
Bf told me that fishes don't have families. It's like, they have sex and that's it.
The female of the fish will then lay thousands of eggs and leave her eggs just like that.
She doesn't have to take care of her baby fishes.
Fishes don't get married.
I wonder if fishes are heartless. It's like they just live just for the sake of living.


But bf told me that all animals cry. Even tortoises.
Being a fan of Discovery Channel, he has seen many tortoises cry when they lay eggs when he watches the channel.
Anyway, because fishes are delicious to eat and has Omega 3 which is good for the brain, I will still eat fishes. Fishes are born to be eaten. Cavemen survive by eating fishes.



I ever asked my grandpa: "Tok, how can you get so old and yet you're not senile? Like, your memory is so powerful."

My grandpa said: "You eat Omega 3, from the fishes."

I love fishes. Eat eat them all. HAHAHAHA. Die die you fishes. Delicious fishes.