The End

The End.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Am very tired........

Okay. Haven't met my friends for so long.

Just met Desi last Monday and met Shiela today...

You see... I'm experiencing nonsense life right now.

School holidays and yet I still have to go to school to do projects.

What nonsense. so yah...

Am very tired and spending time less wit my friends.

Afterall, my beauty sleep is more important.

Hah. kay., watahell.

I'm just sooo tired.

My eyes feel as though it hadnt sleep for many many months.

And whenever I'm on the train, I couldnt resist but sleep and make strangers laugh with my spasms.

Hah.

Embarrassing and so unglam.

And yah. I miss Paris.

Havent spent quality time with her.

Love you Paris.

wet armpits

Weather so hot.

It's killing me.

Basically, I've been sweating like a pig.

As a result, I have wet hair, wet armpits, wet smelly feet, wet thighs, wet down there... damn. Everything wet.

Well, at least it's not raining.

I hate rain. Always get bad hair day.

awwwwwwwrrrrrrrgh!

Hot.

So hot!

Thank you Mr Sun.

You suck.

And there's another project.

Hah kay... Just got back from drama shoot.

It was fun lah.

Nice people.

Learnt cooking some more from a real chef.

Yea, when the pictures reach me, I'll post.

=)

My mobile phone is vintage.

This is one of those days when I feel like a loser.

My school.

Everybody has either an Iphone or Blackberry in school.

Or the very least, that samsung touch screen.

No one carries a Sony Ericsson phone like me anymore.

Damn it.

I feel ashamed to take out my phone all the time.

To make matters worse, during lectures, I often see people fiddling with their Iphones, Blackberries or the very least samsung touch screen phone.

It's as though they're all mocking me or something.

Sometimes, I could even hear their phones teasing my Sony Ericsson phone. As you know, my phone is unique now.

Their phones will say something like this to my phone: "Hey you red phone. Can't believe you still exist!"

And my phone cries each time it hears those hurtful words.

And then, I'd stroke my phone and say: "It's okay fugly baby. You're vintage and special."

Yes, my mobile phone is vintage.

Like the day couldn't get any worse, I saw this couple on the MRT. They reminded me of bf and I three years ago.

That was before bf realised that I talk too much and kept telling me to shuddup and before bf stopped sending me home and write me letters.

They're really sweet. It's the time when you thought that someone you love would be forever with you. But nooo.

Owh well. What's over is over.

Can't do much but to move on.

My ma says that one fine day, I'll meet a handsome rich guy, better than bf.

But what's to a handsome rich guy if you don't love that person, right?

And besides, why would a handsome rich guy fall for me?

I don't posess the qualities of a girl that a rich guy would fall for.

For example, I'm not a model, or pretty or whatsoever and my acting sucks anyway. I don't klnow why people would want me to act. Sheesh.

It hurts me to see myself on TV.

And yes, my mobile phone is vintage.

***

Her Belated Birthday

It's Amira's belated birthday! We got her pizzahut and a cake in school. Woohoo!

***

And yah, I got myself a lead role in a new drama.

For now, nothing much to say.. Well, I may be blogging about it when I start shooting.

because she's my baby.

She's always there to hear my cries and laughter.

and always my baby.

But yah, I have to keep giving her the bloody kitty treats which cost 8 bucks for a small packet. If not, she won't bother about me. And now, I'm broke because of her kitty treats. Can you imagine??? I'm BROKE because of her kitty treats! -_-

Who says Muslims can't have pretty nails?

Met this dude yesterday. Like I felt 2 times happier than usual.

It's a good thing I met him.

We talk talk talk talk.

I cried here and there.

And talk talk talk talk.

But yah.

Whatever it is, he's a great dude.

Everybody loves him.

He talk about how I should change for the better.

and some religious stuff.

As you know, been lost touch with God for a while.

Yeah, I'll start praying tommorow.

Promise.

Right now, I have to remove my lovely lovely pedicure and manicure.

Damn. Well, I got to know that there is this manicure for muslims.

It's like henna for the nails.

Something like nail polish, except that it's henna.

And yah, it' gonna make my nails look ugly with the red red colour.

But at least my nails are coloured and not totally bare, right...

Who says muslims can't have pretty nails?

* For my non muslim readers, muslims can wear nail polish, it's just that when they pray, they can't have nail polish on. They have to remove it. But I don't wanna waste my money on nail polish because I keep removing it and then, putting it on.. So, I'm gonna stick to henna for now.

Miss Popular.

Seriously, I don't get it why she has people who hate her.

Just look at her.

She's pretty.

She's not fat.

She's adorable.

She's stylish.

So, I just don't get those hate taggers of hers.

I mean, just look at her. She's so sweet and all...

So, how can people hate her???

Okay, before I sound lesbian in this post. I shall shuddup.

Anyway yah. Hate taggers of Shiela Halim, please shuddup and leave her alone.

Seriously, just leave her alone.

=)

I make shit out of money

Basically, I've been hanging out with these peeps. Gosh. I love them.

They help me feel happy. As you can see from my previous posts, I sounded quite...

sad.

Which is sad because people like me should not be sad.

People like me should be happy.

And yah, my ma has been nagging me a lot about me spending my money away lately.

And yah, I'm not rich.

50 bucks means a lot to my family.

And most of the time 50 bucks that my ma gave me is gone in just a week.

And most of it goes to the food I ate which in the end will come out as shit from my asshole.

So, basically I've been making shit out of the 50 bucks my ma has been giving me.

I realised I've been spending a lot on food.

Like yah.

Me? spending on food?

Yea unbelievable.

And guess what?? I've been eating a lot of carbs as well...

Woohoo!

Welcome to the fatty world I guess.

And since my ma has spent a lot of money on a Bulgari and Fendi bag, I will be even more broke this month.

Which means, no shopping for clothes and I have to keep wearing the same stuff to school like a loser.

Owh nevermind... At least there's the Fendi and Bulgari bag to make me feel better.

Right, now I'm gonna scoot off to make myself some peanut butter toasts.

Make-up Issues

Today, I shall start my post with a picture of myself with absolutely no make-up and hair straightener.

To others, this may be a shocking sight of me. I mean, everybody sees me with make-up all the time.

You see, I'm one of those girls who swears by make-up.

Make-up works wonders.

Eversince I was seven, I was already exposed to make-up by my mother.

With a lil' bit of make-up, I enhance my face into the one above. And mind you, that picture is not photoshopped.

Girls out there may be saying," eeeew. Make-up makes you have pimples./ Make-up is unnatural and you actually look ugly without make-up."

NOT!

To the statement-"Make-up makes you have pimples". It's not true people. I have been wearing make-up since I was thirteen and now that I'm nineteen, look, no pimples! Weeee!

You see, you need to buy make-up products that are of good quality.

And with that, I mean expensive but not too expensive.

My secret to perfect make-up is the brand Bourjois.

The price is acceptable. A bottle of liquid foundation costs $30++.

You do not need to look at Chanel or Estee Lauder. Trust me, I've tried those brands.

Expensive and not worth it.

A Chanel compact powder costs $90++ and my skin became very very dry and dull after wearing the product.

Estee Lauder's mascara doesn't make my eye lashes long. I'd rather Bourjois mascara and it's half the price of Estee Lauder's mascara. It makes my eyelashes look like those pretty fake eyelashes.

Bourjois liquid foundation contains Vitamin E and essential minerals that my skin needs and moisturises my dry skin all day long. Besides that, it actually protects my skin from the harmful UV-rays of the sun.

So you see, my face will always remain fair and smooth.

Of course, never ever sleep in make-up. It'll kill your pretty face.

To those girls who say hat without make-up, I actually look ugly.

Owh well, let me use the Siti Nurhaliza and Siti Sarah example.

The are both famous Malaysian singers.

As you can see from the pictures above, both of them put on seriously thick make-up, but Siti Nurhaliza still looks prettier.

Make-up DOES NOT transform your face like plastic surgery.

It just enhances the natural beauty that you already possess.

Also, good quality make-up is essential for sport activities.

Mind you, my Bourjois mascara isn't waterproof and not once will it ever get smudged.

So basically, with good make-up skills and good make-up products, you're able to

have a pretty face all day long.

Of course,different skin types suit different products. For example, L'oreal products make my skin very very dry but perfect for some people.

Take your time to find make-up products that suit your skin best.

Never think yourself as ugly.

I believe every girl is pretty it's just whether you want to put in the effort to be pretty.

School Again

Hah. The first week of school has already past.

And I haven't even talked about the first day of school.

Hah, kay. I know I'm not supposed to talk about bf but yah.

Heck, so long as I'm not being racist or defaming Lee Kuan Yew, I'm free to post whatever I like.

And besides, it's bf that I always blog about anyway.

Owh well.. As you know, for the past four semesters, I always went to school with bf. So yah, it's kinda weird going to school on the first day without him.

Afterall, I need the ressurance from him.

For example, it's okay to be late to go to school on the first day.

Sheesh. So much for thinking that I could do without bf. NOT.

It sucks that I'm seriously dependant on him.

And now I need to settle things myself.

And yah, the taxi stand is like some deserted place I'm telling yah.

Afterall, it's the favourite spot for bf and his bunch of friends.

Now that they've graduated.

Boohoo.

I heard that Shiela's boyfriend, Luqman, has got one semester left to settle, I didn't even managed to see him smoking at the taxi stand.

It's a good thing I guess, afterall it's gonna be awkward.

I used to be really good friends with him and the fact that I foolishly dumped bf, he's not talking to me unless if I agree to fall on my knees and beg him for forgiveness for dissappointing his bestfriend, bf or something.

Which I rather not because it's gonna be embarrassing and not good for my lovely girl image. *winks* okay. sorry, I don't mean to make you puke reading this.

And as usual, half an hour late for school. It's the 8a.m. class and hell, my school is like far far away... I can't wake up that early.

And as soon as I was in school, I met my favourtie boys Sharizan and Han Fei.

And straightaway they talked about some business venture in mind.

Seriously, they always think of making money. -_-

It's called the "Companionship".

It's something like the social escort services with no sex. And I can be paid $50 per hour.

A week has passed and there is not one single client.

I mean, which guy would pay $50 per hour for a girl and not have sex?

Owh well..

My favourite girl, Amira was like -_- at the idea.

And horrors of horrors, on the first day of school, we had to work on our FYP.

aaaaargh!

Owh well, welcome to the third year, I guess.

Universal Studios

Uni Studs is a nice place to take pictures.

The Wait.

It was one of those typical school days.

I was waiting for you for more than an hour at the taxi stand in front of the school's middle gate.

As usual, students were smoking there like choo choo train and my hair stank from the cigarrette smell.

It was getting late. I was pissed.

"Kesian... Tunggu sorang sorang ke?" said one of your friends.

I was even pissed at that comment.

Where are you??? I thought angrily.

I kept calling you but I couldn't even get through you.

So I called your friend, Leh.

"Relax, he's still got some stuff to do. He's ending really soon," was what he said on the phone.

When you finally showed up, I showed you the angriest face ever.

I scolded you.

and you didn't even bother to say sorry.

It was one of the days that I was so angry I felt like breaking up with you.

To punish you for making me wait so long.

But,

like magic, when we got on the train, you started to pinch my chubby cheeks and I started to laugh. And evil thoughts of you straightaway disappeared.

You said you loved me.

When I started to talk, you told me to shut up.

You always told me to shut up.

You prefer me to be quiet so you can read your favourite storybook.

I started to sulk, but you ignored me.

So I gave up and rested my head on your shoulder and fell asleep.

And when I woke up, I realised that everything is but a dream.

I cried buckets 'til my eyes sore.

Last two nights were one of those nights that I missed you so much that you kept appearing in my dreams.

If only I could turn back the time.

But you've moved on so fast...

and it hurts me so much seeing you with her.

Teet.

Okay, my mind has been blank these past few days eversince I got to know bf cheated on me for one year.

OOoops!

I accidentally talk about bf. shit shit shit! Shuddup Att! You've promised!

Okay, bf no bf, my mind is always blank anyway.. especially during school holidays.

I mean, I don't see the point of thinking so much because when school starts, you are tortured into thinking a lot anyway. So, why bother thinking so much during the holidays?

And what the hell... Suddenly I'm close with these people.

And last December, we didn't even know each other. In fact we even judged each other.

These people are Amz, Dee, Fit, Des. And Att of course. But ignore Att, she's pretty boring to start with.

Owh, how we met? Acting workshop. We were selected to be in a drama which has already ended it's airing on TV.

First impression of Amz- yah, I've seen her on TV before, many times when I was a lil' kid. She was a kid actress you see. and I used to be her fan. Like HAHAH. Shuddup!

Des- I thought she was some confident person. And despite her size, she's really pretty in a way.

Fit- hot minah rep.

Dee- awwwww. okay. she's the prettiest among all. And no. I didn't have a crush on her because at that point of time I was still with bf and my guilty feelings towards girls almost vanished.

Att?- Des and Dee thought she was seriously annoying and acting cute all the time. HEY! That's not nice kay..

It's funny how we came from totally different backgrounds and can get along so well.

Owh well.. My mind is teeting again. I just don't know what important things to elaborate on further.

'Til then, buhbye... =)

The Truth Hurts

okay. hello...

so, I guess, this will be the last ever post that I'll ever talk about bf.

I have a lot to say.. I don't know where to start.

Okay, nevermind. I guess, I'll just start with tonight, at about 10p.m.

Shiela called me.

She said: "Att! I dunnoe whether I'm being kpo or what.. but I very afraid that you'll feel sad..."

I said: "nvm. I'm fine. I'm okay. just say."

Shiela said: "Okay, actually, your ex cheated on you for 1 year before you broke up. Luqman told me to tell you this."

Luqman- one of bf's bestfriends, Shiela's boyfriend.

So basically, bf went out with this pretty girl behind my back for 1 year. Her name is Liyana. School- Laselle.

And they are a couple now. Her facebook status read "married to bf" and so does bf's.

She's really sweet you know... I wish he had went out with someone uglier so I won't feel that bad.

And yah, I'm cheated!

So much for feeling sorry for sending him a break-up e-mail when he was in Paris!

His mother even texted me why did I spoil her son's happiness!

Well, afterall, bf had been waiting for me to say "break-up".

Maybe there were signs you know.. somehow.

Late January, I was in the school foodcourt having lunch with bf.

He actually told me his feelings for me had faded. He was holding my hand.

I was thinking of my mysterious crush. Let's just call him HF.

Afterall, that was the time I was busy shooting a drama series on TV.

Bf didn't even watch a single episode. Played soccer every time the show was aired, or maybe he went out with that Liyana girl.

Meanwhile, HF would rush home to catch the show even though he was seriously busy working. Complimented me even though he barely knew me. Despite being busy, HF would send me home with his father's car after almost every shooting.

HF has got two jobs, mind you. He's a freelance photographer and a fireman.

But I had no feelings whatsoever with HF.

The day before Valentine's Day, I was still shooting for the drama series.

HF told two little girls to send me a bouquet of Ferrero Rocher chocolates while I was shooting. HF couldn't see me. He was busy with work.

And that day, it was bf and my monthly anniversary.

I had a tiny crush with HF.

On Valentine's Day, I met bf. Picnic with his family.

Bf asked: "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

I said: "No. nothing. Just this photographer. He wanna build up his portfolio. I wanna help him out by being his model."

Bf said: "no. You can't."

I said: "Okay. I won't."

I paused. Looked at him.

I said: "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

Bf paused.

He said: "No nothing. I love you."

I said: "I love you too."

He held my hand.

And we both knew we were lying.

On the day bf left for Paris, a few days before the unfortunate e-mail break up, I was at the airport sending him away. I cried my eyes out. He was supposed to be in Paris for 2 weeks. I couldn't bear staying away from him for so long. And I was very afraid that I'd never see him again.

A few hours after that, I was at HF's studio. Ate Macdonald's. This time, I really had a crush on HF.

After that e-mail break-up day, HF and I went out for a few times.

And then HF was silent. He said something about not wanting a girlfriend. I said something about not wanting a boyfriend either.. And we were cool after that.

HF is still quiet. I suspect he likes my friend Shanad who happens to be his nephew's ex girlfriend who happens to be my ex-schoolmate. And this Shanad girl, I'm telling you, is super duper gorgeous. I think there was this one time even bf has a crush on her.

So I guess, I won't be calling bf "bf" anymore. he should be ex-bf. His name is Wan Syazani Bin Wan Idrus. I realised I've never mentioned his real name on my blog.

And so today, you guys will know that if there is this lovely guy who's walking down the street and addressed himself as Wan or Syaz, that's him. Ask him anything and he's very willing to help. I shall say... He was the best boyfriend I've ever had in my whole life. And I hope that this Liyana girl, his new girlfriend, will appreciate him better than me.

Dehumanisation

I realised that ever since I was little, I recognise people from the smell.

Like, for instance, my ma smells of Prickly Heat's armpit powder.

My pa smells of cigarrettes.

My younger bro smells of dirty socks.

My big bro smells of Adidas.

Bf, I mean, ex bf smells of clean underwear.

Paris smells of expired rice.

and my mysterious crush smells of cigarrettes and strawberry jam.

Hah kay. I'll just like him secretly, I guess.

Terima Kasih Datuk

Last Episode

Yesterday was Dikir Putri's last episode.

Darn.

This means that I won't be on TV every week anymore.

owh, the heaven of being on TV.

With those lil' kids nugging each other in malls whenever they see me.

owh well, no more being a superstar for me, I guess.

Back to school.

Owh by the way, I went to Singapore's Universal Studios.

Will upload those pictures soon.

those Forgotten feelings.

Owh well. Just got my exams results.

As usual, I only get one "A" and the rest are B's.

Well, I wondeer when will I ever get like many many A's instead of B's.

Owh yah. Have been contemplating on whether I should get a job or not.

Have been wasting away at home.

Doing nothing.

Well, talking about wasting away...

I wonder when will I ever really really fall in love.

I mean, I watch about love on TV, read about it in storybooks.

But have never felt it.

With bf last time?

Well. I don't know. If it was really love, I would have stayed with him forever.

It's just that I really enjoyed his company. He was really sweet.

You know, taking care of me all the time.

And yah, I miss hanging out wit him and doing stupid things together.

Well, the problem is he doesn't like the idea of us being just friends.

He'd rather us be enemies than friends.

Gee. what ta do.. used to be a couple, and now strangers.

Very strange how life is.

and.. HAHAH. kay. Tell you something.

Recently, had a crush on this dude.

Thing is, he appears to be really not interested in me.

Well, but about a month ago, he did showed interest, you know.

Giving me a bouquet of ferreros for V'day.

Texting everyday.

Will drive me home after my drama shoots.

Now? Always promises to text me, but quiet.

I also quiet lah.

owh well, could be he is busy.

And he's always so secretive.

I don't really know much about his life.

And I don't ask much.

Well, what I know is that whatever I love, he hates.

Example, I love milktea but he hates anything that has gotta do with milk.

Love chocolates but he loathes chocs, prefers mints.

Hates cats, I love cats.

And although he doesn't say anything, I know he hates it if I put on hairbands.

And I know, he prefers me just wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

Well, one thing in common, we love shoes! and yah, both of us find cinemas and bowling boring.

well. kay. I shall stop boring you with details of my mysterious crush.

And no. He's not the reason I broke up with bf.