Terima Kasih Datuk

Last Episode

Yesterday was Dikir Putri's last episode.

Darn.

This means that I won't be on TV every week anymore.

owh, the heaven of being on TV.

With those lil' kids nugging each other in malls whenever they see me.

owh well, no more being a superstar for me, I guess.

Back to school.

Owh by the way, I went to Singapore's Universal Studios.

Will upload those pictures soon.

those Forgotten feelings.

Owh well. Just got my exams results.

As usual, I only get one "A" and the rest are B's.

Well, I wondeer when will I ever get like many many A's instead of B's.

Owh yah. Have been contemplating on whether I should get a job or not.

Have been wasting away at home.

Doing nothing.

Well, talking about wasting away...

I wonder when will I ever really really fall in love.

I mean, I watch about love on TV, read about it in storybooks.

But have never felt it.

With bf last time?

Well. I don't know. If it was really love, I would have stayed with him forever.

It's just that I really enjoyed his company. He was really sweet.

You know, taking care of me all the time.

And yah, I miss hanging out wit him and doing stupid things together.

Well, the problem is he doesn't like the idea of us being just friends.

He'd rather us be enemies than friends.

Gee. what ta do.. used to be a couple, and now strangers.

Very strange how life is.

and.. HAHAH. kay. Tell you something.

Recently, had a crush on this dude.

Thing is, he appears to be really not interested in me.

Well, but about a month ago, he did showed interest, you know.

Giving me a bouquet of ferreros for V'day.

Texting everyday.

Will drive me home after my drama shoots.

Now? Always promises to text me, but quiet.

I also quiet lah.

owh well, could be he is busy.

And he's always so secretive.

I don't really know much about his life.

And I don't ask much.

Well, what I know is that whatever I love, he hates.

Example, I love milktea but he hates anything that has gotta do with milk.

Love chocolates but he loathes chocs, prefers mints.

Hates cats, I love cats.

And although he doesn't say anything, I know he hates it if I put on hairbands.

And I know, he prefers me just wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

Well, one thing in common, we love shoes! and yah, both of us find cinemas and bowling boring.

well. kay. I shall stop boring you with details of my mysterious crush.

And no. He's not the reason I broke up with bf.

bitching, gossip, boys

Met Shiela and Ira. Nothing much really. Random starbuxing.

We were pretty much bitching, and talking about how stupid boys are and yah, I forgot what else we talked. When I remember, I'll tell you kay.

Owh and a few days before, I met Baby Shanad.

It's been ages since we've hung out together, and now that we're both single.. teehee.

Well, we actually planned to break our clubbing virginity together (with me sneaking out of my bedroom window at night).

and yah, I haven't got a dress for clubbing.

My dresses are all too... I don't know.. Sweet and non-clubbing-ish.

and very pinky...

Who the hell wears pinky stuff to go clubbing, right?

I seriously need a wardrobe makeover..

I don't wanna look girlish anymore.. I wanna look like a big girl.

You know, like hot and like kakak-kakak.

Anyway, Shiela advised me against sneaking out.

She has a feeling that my ma will definitely catch me and I'll be grounded forever.

But I'm nineteen. NINETEEN! Nineteen year olds are supposed to go clubbing!

Kay, nvm.

I'll sound stupid in this post if I carry on further.

Catch up soon.

Poor lil' girl

Poor little girl.

When will she ever realised that the world is harsher than it is?

When will she ever realised that things are not as what they seem to be?

Like, bestfriends will backstab each other,

Lovers will lie to each other,

Enemies are not just enemies,

If someone tells her that she's gorgeous, it just means that she's ugly actually,

and if she really likes that guy, she needs to give him sex just so he will continue to see her.

The reality of the world is sometimes too harsh.

And she always chooses to ignore reality and live in a happy bubble with her lovely dark chocolates.

And when her happy bubble bursts, she will realised that the world is not for her,

and decide to end her life.

And there she goes..

So, I went to the counter with the item.

Chubby, young man at the counter says: "Bridal magazine? Getting married, mam?"

I say: "Not so soon. Really. Not so soon."

He looks at me questioningly.

I smile and walk away.

and where has she gone to?

Hello people.

You must have been wondering where have I gone to.

Not to worry.

I'm still here.

Alive.

A lot of things have been happening.

Kinda overwhelming for me.

Funny, how things can change.

Too fast.

I've changed.

And when I'm changed, everybody around me is affected.

You can call me selfish.

Or confused.

And maybe now, you can call me a bitch.

Well, the thing is, exactly today, last year, bf celebrated an early birthday with me.

He had asked his ma to cook lunch for me at his house.

He bought me a lovely little teddy bear whom I'd named Tutti.

But today, I sit here alone at home.

Wondering who to text.

Wondering who to hang out with.

Afterall, I've devoted my entire life to bf.

Abandoned some of my girlfriends for bf too.

Abandoned CCA to spend time with bf too.

But all is but a waste.

Earlier this year, I broke up with bf.

Through e-mail.

Yes, e-mail.

After almost 3 years of relationship with him.

Yah yah. Yes, you can call me selfish bitch. blaa blaa blaa.

But he was at Paris!

I cant give him a long distance call.

I can't take a flight to Paris just so I can tell him that I wanted to break up with him.

You must be wondering, why?

Why I broke up with him?

Owh well, sometimes, some things are just not meant to be explained.

For example, you can't explain why students in the classroom keep looking at the clock as though if they continue staring at the clock, the time will go faster.

You can't explain why people punch the lift button repeatedly as though it will make the lift arrive any faster.

It's like that. I just don't know how to explain.

Some things can't be explained.

Come to think of it, sometimes, I do hate myself for doing things that I've sworn earlier in life that I'll never do.