Clingy.

Okay.
It's that time of the month when I feel that everything that exists in my life is crappy.
And, most of the time, my punching bag would be bf.
Sorry bf. But you're my boyfriend. So you have to bear with me.
This is the time of the month when I would try my best to find bf's faults.
I would start by making fun of his crooked front tooth.
Then I would accuse him of cheating on me.
Like seriously. I always wonder. When would bf dump me. Like. Most of my ex-boyfriends would dump me in like, not even a month. Sheesh. That's me. I have terrible luck. I've always been that "spare tyre" or that "nerdy girl" or that "alien- face girl". So it's only natural for guys to dump me. Anyway. I'm prepared if bf wants to dump me. Now, I know bf likes this girl who wears that Muslim headscarf (I call girls who wear this scarf minah tudungs). And her name is Amira. Hmmmph. It's so annoying. Bf has a lot of fetishes. And I have none of those fetishes he has. Last time, he had a fetish for short-haired girls but I can never have short hair because I look like a boy. Now he has a fetish for minah tudungs and I can never wear a Muslim headscarf because if I do, I'm a hypocrite. I always have many many sins.


Sometimes. I wonder how it feels like to be pretty like my ma.
If you're pretty like my ma, everybody will treat you like a princess.
If you're pretty like my ma, your boyfriend would treat you nicely, forever and he won't have fetishes.
If you're pretty like my ma, you will get mc whenever you don't feel like going to school because the doctor will be very nice to you.
Sheesh. I wonder why I don't have my ma's features. She has this exotic beauty. You can refer to the picture above. Yah. At the age of 45, she can still look like that.
Okay. I can't wait for my menses to come because this pms thingy is driving me crazy. I keep on being irritated by a lot of stuff. For example, Sharizan's accent, my younger brother's face, my Teddy, bf's tooth. A lot of stuff, uh.
Oh bf. I love you sia. Don't leave me. You can only leave me when I die. And bf, please stop having fetishes.
My life sucks a little. But I love crabs.

Shitty

My life sucks a little.

Teddies Galore

I guess I love Teddy too much.

Love

"Love stretches your heart and makes you big inside." - Margaret Walker

Singaporean Men

The incidents this morning emphasize the fact on why I loathe Singaporean Men.

Let me specify. Working Singaporean men. The ones who wear formal office wear.

They look good. Look as though they are gentlemanly. But. 

they are not.

 First incident...

I got on the bus this morning to go to school. As usual, there were many many people. Working people, School children, poly people like me and ITE people.

Okay, I'll just get straight to the point. Basically, there was this woman who was about in her thirties. So I guess she's a working woman, judging by the outfit that she wore.

Then, there was this working man. Quite good-looking. Wearing smart attire. And about in his late twenties.

So, that woman in her thirties was like telling him sweetly and nicely to move further to the back of the bus as there were many many people on the bus and many many other people couldn't get on the bus. 

To my utter dismay, he screamed at her: "CAN'T YOU SEE!!!!!! THERE IS NO SPACE FOR ME TO MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

But as he was screaming at her, he was actually moving towards the back of the bus. Oh my. I hate Singaporean men. How rude. and terrible and screaming monkey-ish working Singaporean men. Oh how I just loathe them.

Second incident...

So, after I got to Tampines interchange by the feeder bus, I took the MRT to go straight to school.

So I was on the MRT. When the MRT reaches Commonwealth MRT station, there was this working Singaporean man, wearing smart attire threw a tiny piece of crushed paper directly at me which hit my head and landed on the person next to me.

Then, he straightaway alighted the MRT.

How rude, throwing rubbish at me!

I loathe Singaporean working man.

The nicer Singaporean man sitting beside me was like: "What the hell was that for????"

Yes, that was exactly what my brain was saying.

I shrugged.

The nicer Singaporean man beside me said: "You know, I think he gave you his number."

True enough, when he opened up the tiny piece of crushed paper, there was his number and his name.

To all the Singaporean men out there, this is definitely NOT how you get attention from the girls

you like.

Just stick to this pick up line: "You are like a broom, you swept me off my feet."

I think that pick up line is much better.

Anyway. Of course, not all working Singaporean men are bad. For example, Chris Gill (my lecturer), David Cheong KK (my lecturer) or my mother's bestfriend, Uncle Z.

I just think that the majority of working Singaporean men just need to learn what courtesy really is.

They teach you...

They teach you to be proud and unbending in honest failure, but humble and gentle in success; not to substitute words for action; not to seek the path of comfort, but to face the stress and spur of difficulty and challenge; to learn to stand up in the storm, but to have compassion on those who fall; to master yourself before you seek to master others; to have a heart that is clean, a goal that is high; to learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; to reach into the future, yet never neglect the past; to be serious, yet never take yourself too seriously; to be modest so that you will remember the simplicity of true greatness; the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.

They give you a temperate will, a quality of imagination, a vigor of the emotions, a freshness of the deep springs of life, a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, an appetite for adventure over love of ease. They create in your heart the sense of wonder, the unfailing hope of what next, and the joy and inspiration of life.

-General Douglas MacArthur (12th May 1962)

Lima Puluh (Fifty)

Yeay! So I went for the "Jus" talkshow.
There, they announced who got into top 20 for Anugerah from the top 50 Anugerah contestants.
And.
I wasn't selected.
Heheh. Too bad, uh.
Oh. But I really enjoyed the whole thingy, man. Like very glamorous.

I've learned quite a bit about the recording of the show.
Afterall, that's what I'm learning in my course now.
I've gotta tell you that the cameras they used were very very very HUGE and very very high-tech.
With just a button, the camera zooms in or gives a long shot and the many many shots that I've learned last semester. Then, there was this fat women who was like telling people to do this and that and all.
Coolness.
She's fat and yet very powerful.
Anyway, I wasn't suppose to take pictures in the studio. But whatever. I just want to show you guys how it really looks like in the studio.

Then, there was the best part, make-up and hair!!
Yeay! Can you imagine. Professional hairstylist, make-up artist. COOOL!!!!!!
I soooo000o love that part. The woman who did my make-up was brilliant. I don't know what she did. She just added lotsa concealer, mascara, blusher and lipgloss that seems to stay forever on your lips to my already made-up face. I looked really good like as though my dark eye circles never existed. I wonder if I can like hire her like $2 a day or something to do my make-up everyday to school. Then, the hairstylist did something to my hair which made me look like a mad woman but in a very good way.

Oh. Anyway, of course. If you know me, I took lotsa pictures. AHAHAHA.

Yah. Anyway. I had mixed feelings about the whole thingy. For my friends who got on to the top 20, I really really felt very happy for them. And for those who didn't get in top 20, awww. I don't feel so sad because I'm not the only one who got kicked out. Heh.
But overall, I'm still very happy because I get free makeover, free food... and everything free, uh.
Oh and for those who got on top 20, goodluck!
And.
For those who didn't make it. It's okay. There is so much more life can offer you. Not just Anugerah.
I guess.
That was the end of my dramatic Anugerah experience which I will never forget.

Sentosa

Happy Birthday Niq!!!!!
Hmmmph. Okay, I don't know what I was looking at. Everybody was looking at the camera except for me.
Yah. The Adelphi clan went out to celebrate Niq's birthday at Sentosa.
Niq's "bumbum" (As how she loves to call her bf, Abdul) planned all that.
Niq's sweet seventeen. Oh gosh! I miss being seventeen!
You're all young and pretty if you're seventeen.
Oh and Bam brought his girlfriend along.
She was so pretty and has really nice eyes. She doesn't even have to wear eyeliner to have pretty eyes. Oh jealous jealous.

We had lunch at the Banquet at Vivo. I ordered Char Kuay Teow.
After all the time editing the Tiramisu trailer and seeing Sharon's Char Kuay Teow for CA1, I really really craved for Char Kuay Teow. The Char Kuay Teow was excellent!
Anyway. Someone brought along a hair wig. AHAHAHA.
Of all things to bring along. Bf tried it on.

Bf will be very pretty if he's a girl.

Abdul surprised Niq with a bithday cake from Begawan Solo which was heavenly sweet. All of us sang her the birthday song. So sweet of him. Oh yah, check out his new hairdo!No longer the annoying blonde hair! Yeay! Finally my eyes can rest in peace. Coolness.
I kept calling him Nigg** and accusing him of putting on extensions because I was jealous. Hahahaha.

We headed off to Sentosa beach. Yah. I don't know which Sentosa beach that was. As long as it was a beach, I'm fine with it.
The Adelphi boys dribbled the soccer ball along the way.

When we reached there, we found a huge shelter.
Then, it was time to unwrap presents!
Niq's bf bought her a camera! Yeay!

The Adelphi boys played soccer. At first I joined in. But it was so scorching hot.
So I went back to the shelter.
I was getting bored. I asked Niq if she'd like to play with me at the sea. But she said she was scared she'd get dark.
Hmmph. But I was really bored. Bam's gf was playing soccer with them. She's a soccer player at her JC and is going overseas for 3 years to pursue her education. She's really smart. I want to go to University too. But a University in Singapore.
So I asked bf who was busy playing soccer if he'd like to stroll along the beach, some romantic time together, you know...
But he was like ignoring me. Pissed. So I sat by the sea alone.

I don't know about you, but the whole point of you going to the beach is to enjoy the sea water and sun and sand, not some lousy football.

I love the feeling of soft sand on my toes.

I love the feeling of soft sand on my fingers. Hmmmph.
To bad I can't bury myself in the sand. I didn't bring along extra clothes. And I can't bury myself. I need someone else to bury me.
I got pissed off that bf didn't try to find me. Instead, it was his friends who tried to find me.
I felt sad.
Just because I'm ugly, he doesn't care because he knows that no others guys would want me and I won't leave him because of that. Basket. Nevermind. If I have lotsa money, I will go plastic surgery to look very pretty like Niq. Then, he'll come running towards me. Heheh.

Anyway, somehow, things got better thanx to Bam. Heeeeeh. Paisey, uh.
We played captain ball. Haha. I was the keeper for my team. Niq was the keeper for her team.
Abdul kept pushing me away so that I won't get the ball. Oh bloody Nigg**.
Hahahaha. But it was really a fun game.
After that we went for a swim. I didn't really swim because I didn't bring along extra clothes. I just splashed some sea water.
Yah. The Adelphi boys were really really happy.
They love sea water.

Then it was time for them to change. Oh did I tell you?
My twin sister, Geeky Att, came along too. She took pictures with Niq.

After they changed we took another group photo.

Bf treated me like a princess. I like it when he treats me like a princess.
It makes me feel special. Like as though I am pretty.
Of course Geeky Att was jealous. Hahaha. Sorry Geeky Att, but I'm sure you'll find a nice, rich and geeky boyfriend one fine day.

Oh and after all that, we went home.

Nerdy Att

Hi. My name is Geeky Att. And I'd like to show you my geeky clan.


They are...

Geeky Bf

Geeky Idham

Geeky Nana

Geeky Faizal

Sometimes, it's okay to be geeky. You don't have to be cool to be beautiful.



Anyway, I think, love is a very simple thing as long as there is acceptance.
For example...
I never like it whenever my papa smokes. It's annoying because my clothes and teddies always stink of smoke thanks to him.
I never like it when my ma is clueless about many many things. Like seriously...
My brothers never help me with housework. It's always me me me.
My bf is never romantic but it's okay.
I am annoying and talk too much and many people just can't stand me.
Only those who love me can accept me for who I am.
I love you people who don't hate me.

Rainy Morning

I don't like Singaporean men.
Those typical Singaporean men like the one in the picture above.
This morning, it was raining heavily. Very very heavily.
I was waiting for the bus to go to school. You know, there's no shelter in between the bus stop and the bus. So, when you wanna get on the bus, you'll definitely get soaked by the rain.
There were many people waiting for the bus at the bus stop. As it was a rainy day, the arrival of the bus will usually be delayed.
Those many people included the working men, women, school children, poly people like me, and ITE people.
When the bus arrived, the working men, being big, shoved the helpless little women and me out of their way to get on the bus, leaving the women and me soaked in the rain.
Sucks right.
How ungentlemanly.
That is not the only reason why I hate Singaporean men.
There are many many annoying reasons why I dislike Singaporean men.
Singaporean men never give up seats. One fine day, I was on the train and I was carrying my heavy laptop. If you were there, you would have seen me how I struggled to stand straight with heavy laptop in right arm and a file in my left arm. And a heavy bag. There was this Singaporean man in front of me who gave me this chikopek look and didn't even offer me his seat. Was very pissed. Chikopek Singaporean man.
Also, when a Singaporean man bump into you causing much pain to your right arm, he won't even bother saying sorry to you.
There are many many many reasons why I never like Singaporean men. If you want to know more, just call me.

Anyway, bf brightened up my day by treating me to a Macdonald's breakfast. Thank you bf.
No matter what, bf would always buy big breakfast meal. He amazes me because I can't understand how someone would miss the hotcakes. Anyway, the whole point of you getting Macdonald's breakfast is to have hotcakes! Macdonald's has the nicest hotcakes in the world!
Anyway, you should have seen the way bf ate his big breakfast.
He has this certain ritual.
First, he'd spread grape jam on the bread. Then, he'd place the sausage on the bread. He placed some of the scramble eggs on the sausage. Placed lotsa chilli sauce on the scramble eggs and finally placed another bread on top of the whole thing such as it turned out to be a burger leaving the hash brown and the remaining scramble eggs. As a final touch, he sprinkled lots and lots and lots and lots of pepper and salt and on the "burger", the remaining scramble eggs and the hasbrown such that they were no longer edible for me. Really salty and pepper-ish.
Sheesh.
By the time he had his first bite, I'd finished my hotcakes and orange juice.Hahah. Anyway, those are Yan Han's gigantic Robocop shades. Hahah.

Anugerah

Yah, okay. I know, initially I wanted this Anugerah thingy to be low profile but thanx to Sharizan, everybody knows anyway.
In the lecture hall, he was like: "Eh Amira!!!!!!!! Atikah went for Anugerah Audition!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This past 2 weeks have been a lot of drama for me. I've even lost 4kg in just 2 weeks! And I didn't even have time to exercise due to singing practices and school stuff . So, for those who want to lose weight in just two weeks, go audition for Anugerah.

ONE DAY BEFORE AUDITION
So, I celebrated bf's birthday. I made for him brownies. But all the guests (oh those evil little kids!) ate the brownies even before my bf got to try one of them. Oh. sobs sobs. Yah, my parents came to his birthday party too. My ma made for bf and his twin Christmas fruitcake which bf loves so much. Yah, and like what his mother promised, she made sup tulang! AAAAAARGH! My favourite! Ate a lot!
I didn't think much about tomorrow's audition. I just wanted to be on TV for like once in my life. It was a fun fun thing.

1st AUDITION
My ma said: "Watever it is, this is just for fun."
My ma and I reached the audition venue (at Eastpoint Mall, where everybody can see you) at 7a.m. in the morning. And registration started at 9a.m. But by 7.30a.m., there was already a freaking long snaking queue. And, I was the second one in the queue.
For the audition, there was this traffic light thingy. Red, yellow and green light. If the 4 judges gave you a red light, means you're out. Yellow, they would discuss further 'til they decide whether they want to let you in or not. The green light means you are so in!
The results were on the spot.
One of the judges was Imran Ajmain. Young, but older than me. Handsome, but not so handsome on TV. But, I still melt when I saw him in real life. (Don't tell bf that!) The other 3 judges were just old people. Hmmmph.
Anyway. I was the second contestant. And I sang a ballad. I got a huge round of applause when I started singing.
However in the middle, I got out of tune.
They gave me a yellow light. I didn't know what yellow light means at first. I thought I was out, so I walked out of stage happy, because the camera was on me. I love cameras. But one of the crew told me to go back up stage. Owh paisey. I think a few people laughed.
And.
They gave me a green light.
The next week was my second audition.

2nd AUDITION
There were 264 people who got into the first audition. I sang a fast song. Bf was there to support me this time.
I enjoyed that time's performance. I danced on stage. Jumped a bit. It's kinda like a blues-rock kinda song. Reminded me of Elvis Presly.
Anne Hussein (judge) said: "So, do you enjoy yourself?"
I said: "Yah, happy happy happy!"
I heard a few laughs. I don't know why, but each time when I said something, people would laugh. It's annoying. It's me, that's how I talk.
Anne Hussein added: "I like your tone, but you must watch your pitching."
I looked at Imran Ajmain. I can't describe his expression but somehow I got the feeling I could have the chance to get in.
This time, the results is not on the spot. I had to wait 'til 8.30 p.m. to know the results. This time, out of 264 people, only 50 people will be chosen for 3rd audition.
However. Delay delay delay, I only get to know my result at about 11p.m. When I got in, I jumped. Delighted. I'm one of those 50 special people!!!!!!! Then. Horror of horrors! I realised I don't have a song for 3rd Audition.
Reached home at about 12++p.m. Searched for a song like crazy. They said they only wanted songs that are in the year 2005-2008. Sucks right. I only have one CD which have songs in the year 2007. And I just picked a song. Practice a little. Slept. Happy. But scared for tomorrow's audition.
3rd AUDITION
Yah. I managed to memorise the lyrics. I don't know how. But maybe that's the reason I got distinction for Econs last semester. I have a powerful and crazy memory.
This time, bf's ma, dad, cuzzie, aunt and twin bro was there to support me. Not to forget, lovely Niq, Bam was there too! Thanx people. You guys rock.
It went bad. However, I didn't go out of tune. I was pretty happy happy for that. Becoz I suck at tuning.
None of the comments that the judges had for me was lovely to hear.
Ghani (Judge) : "You picked a wrong song. Your voice is not ready to sing that kinda huge song."
Anne Hussein (judge) said: "Are you comfortable? You don't look comfortable. I prefer y0u sing a fast song."
Eddie Ali (judge) said: "...." (I've forgotten what he said.)
Imran Ajmain (judge) said: "You know, you look sweet on tv and you have this audience attraction on you but you're very stiff on the stage. You should loosen yourself up to match your sweet face."
I looked at Imran Ajmain pitifully.
He shrugged as though to say: "Sorry, girl, you're like, sooooooo out."
The other contestants after me sang very well. In fact, all of them sang very well. I knew that I won't have a chance to go through next round.

My ma was pissed with me. My ma said that I looked arrogant on stage and she kept blaming my bra becoz the bra strap was too lose. And many many things that I don't wanna hear. What a mother. I kept reminding her that I was the top 50 out of 264 people but she was still freaking pissed. I thought she said that it was just for fun.

Anyway, yah. The results will be released "live" on 18th May, ,at about 8.30p.m. on Suria. I may or may not be on tv. But yah. Watever it is, I feel like I've already win this competition because I was in top 50. So what if ma's pissed.

A DAY AFTER THE AUDITIONS
Okay, so it was back to school for me. Have some projects. Assignments. CA1.
Hahahah. Sucks.